Living the Caregiver Life

Jan 28, 2019

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Rachel Livingston, BSN, RN, William Newton Home Health Director

Becoming a caregiver for an elderly friend or family member is somewhat like becoming a new parent. There is no instruction manual or training course to fully prepare you for everything that comes along with the new role. It is inevitable that caregivers, new or seasoned, will make mistakes when it comes to providing care. Here are some caregiver mistakes to avoid as well as secrets to make caregiving easier.

Caregiving mistakes to avoid:

1. Not accepting help and/or taking breaks when offered: Let other family members, friends, church family, etc relieve some of the sole burden of being a caregiver. Even just a solo trip to the grocery store can relieve stress and allow you to clear your mind.

2. Withholding information or “sugar coating” information for other family members or caregivers: Although this is usually done to protect others, it leaves the primary caregiver shouldering the decision making, severity of the situation, and prognosis on their own. This can also create resentment between other family members who feel they are being left out.

3. Not showing appreciation to other involved caregivers: Appreciation, gratitude, and positive reinforcement can go a long way in building strong and constructive relationships with other caregivers, which in returns allow you to be a great team.

4. Making unrealistic promises: No one knows what the future holds; so to promise mom you will never put her in a nursing home or never have hospice services come to the home could be promises you may not be able to fulfill which could lead to guilt and/or resentment. Now that we know a few things not to do, here are some tips for making caregiving easier and a successful experience:

5. Know what you are dealing with: Learn all you can about your loved ones health conditions or diagnosis and prognosis. Discuss what to expect with their physicians, nurses, or others who have gone through the same experiences.

6. Remember the person inside: The person you are caring for may be having personality changes, physical changes, and/or memory issues which can be frustrating and scary for both you and your loved one. They may recognize the change in themselves and react in an undesirable way, but try your best to remember the person within. Don’t forget, an elder can still teach you important lessons about life and have invaluable advice.

7. Have patience: There will be times that you’re at your wits end, but try to take a step back, a deep breath, and regroup. Ask for help when you need it.

8. Be present: The daily tasks of caregiving may seem endless, but step back and be in the moment with your loved one. Really focus on how they’re doing, what they’re feeling, they’re tone of voice, etc. Spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. Don’t forget to show affection by giving a hug, holding their hand or patting them on the arm, this can make all the difference.

9. Create a caregiver schedule: compartmentalize tasks and dedicate a day to each grouping. For example:

   • Monday: Business tasks- such as mail, bills, paperwork, phone calls.
   • Tuesday: Education/Learning- go to the library, research your loved ones condition, look up tips to make life easier.
   • Wednesday: Centering activities- work on projects or crafts that bring you joy.
   • Thursday: Community- Take your loved one for an outing or help them call a friend; something to help them engage with the world around them.
   • Friday: Clean-out- Go through a cupboard, clean out the closet, something to declutter your space.
   • Saturday: Free day- Use it however you see fit.
   • Sunday: Prep day- Grocery shopping, cleaning up the house; anything you need to do to set yourself up for success the next week.

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     This schedule can be tailored to individual needs and days/tasks may need changed around each week.

Long story short, becoming a caregiver is a ‘learn as you go’ experience, but keeping the above points and suggestions in mind can help you feel a little more in control of your new role.

This article was submitted by William Newton Hospital for the Cowley CourierTraveler Regional Medical Guide published January 28, 2019.